Evil Flakes
by Lucky Larue
Summary: Wormtail comes to visit Harry and try to convince Harry to think better of him. PreOrder of The Phoenix. PG13 just to be safe. Complete! Formerly known as Wormtail's Defense, but the real name is Evil Flakes.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Wormtail's Defense

Yes... I wrote most of this awhile ago. I believe it takes place between Goblet of Fire and Order of The Phoenix. There's a song parody coming up that comes from the song "It Wasn't Me" that used to be played on the radio, then there's the rest of the story.

* * *

Peter Pettegrew scurried into the Dursley home. He went up to Harry and turned into a man. "I must talk to you, Harry. Let me make you some tea." said Peter. "No, you murdered my parents!" said Harry. "It wasn't me. Let me explain." said Peter.

"Voldie came in and my arm got branded

Said 'You're mine forever more'

Picture this, I was screaming 'No way'

Bangin' on the now sealed door

How could he ask me to be bad?

No, it couldn't ever be

All this time he was standing there

Just laughing his butt off at me

Oh, they'd somehow gotten access to my villa

There was Creti Goyle on my pillow

I'd never join their pack, never be turned into a killer

How to leave the situation, though?

I knew I faced my death.

Wouldn't submit to him when he'd say,

'You will join me'. No way." said Peter.

Chorus:

"But I know you framed Sirius", said Harry.

"It wasn't me.", Peter said.

"Sold my parents to the dark lord.", said Harry.

"It wasn't me.", Peter said.

"You ran to Voldemort once more." said Harry.

"It wasn't me." Peter said.

"And then you tried to kill me last year."

"It wasn't me."

"You got the mark on your arm, there."

"It wasn't me."

"For him, your hand you did sever."

"It wasn't me."

"You ain't nothin' but a traitor"

"It wasn't me."

"Your goal is Voldemort's power"

Peter spun around and went on, "Voldie came in and my arm got branded

Said 'You're mine forever more'

Picture this, I was screaming 'No way'

Bangin' on the now sealed door

Voldie has great power

He took his wand and aimed it at me

He changed me to ratsy

And fed 'Evil Flakes' to me

As a rat I couldn't reject

And the food he gave me made me his pet

The spell is quite complex

When I turned back human, I was transformed, changed respects

I couldn't care, oooh, about my past

OOooooohh...No way I could think to run fast"

Chorus

"Gotta tell you that I'm sorry for the pain that I've

caused", Peter crooned.

"I've been listening to your reason, it makes no sense

at all", said Harry.

"It was cereal given to me as a rat that then

caused

Me to become a bad human, and they continued to...feed it to me..." Peter explained.

Chorus

"Gosh, Wormtail, I just don't believe you, cus it's stupid as he-ell. Maybe you will regret telling me bullcrap, cus I learned the killing spe-ell." Harry said.

"Noooo! Harry! Don't kill me! I'm telling you the truth! Voldemort didn't use the Imperius Curse on me because people can figure that out. He instead transformed me into a rat, fed me evil cereal, and then transformed me back into a human and I was evil minded! It's this special spell that he knew! And for years they kept feeding me the cereal to keep me evil and make me think that I was on their side! But yesterday, Lucius Malfoy, who was supposed to feed me my Evil Flakes, he got hit on the head by a falling tree branch and he didn't give me the flakes! So I scampered off and then I realized that all my time in the Death Eaters was nothing but a load of rubbish! Harry, you have to believe me!" said Peter.

"I don't believe you! How dare you come here and give me these lies!" bellowed Harry, holding his wand high in the air. "Why else would I come if it wasn't the truth?" pleaded Peter. "You're up to some no good plot, you lying bastard!" said Harry. "No! Harry! Please! Noooooo!" cried Peter, as Harry aimed his wand and cast a spell. Peter lay unconscious on the floor.

Suddenly, Harry heard Aunt Petunia screaming her head off downstairs. There were heavy footsteps on the stairs, and then Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle burst into Harry's room.

"There he is! Just like the boss said!" said Goyle. They grabbed Peter and hoisted him up. "Turn him into a rat!" said Goyle. Crabbe aimed his wand at Peter. "Ratarus!" said Crabbe. Peter turned back into a rat. Goyle grabbed a box of Evil Flakes out from his robes. Crabbe opened the rat's mouth. "Chew up the flakes!" said Crabbe to Wormtail. The rat ate the flakes. "There, now he should get back to bein' normal. Humanus!" said Crabbe. Peter turned back into a human, and he went back to being unconscious. "Uh, huh. Oh, the kid!" said Goyle. They turned to Harry, wands pointed at him. But Harry did a quick spell and took away their wands.

"I knew we shouldn't have come up here alone!" said Crabbe. "What did you wanta do! Snape got that headache and said we should take care of this alone!" said Goyle. "Now look at us!" said Crabbe. They both had their hands in the air as Harry aimed all three wands at them.

"So Peter was telling the truth! You have been making him your puppet! It wasn't his fault at all!" said Harry.

"Der! Damn it! Nobody's supposed to know that!" said Crabbe. "I know that, Crabbe! The boss is gonna be mad at us now!" said Goyle. "I know that, Goyle!" said Crabbe.

Harry used his wand to tie Crabbe and Goyle up. He sent a letter to Dumbledore.

Meanwhile, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had tried to flee with Dudley but they found Snape sitting on their front step. THey ran back inside and fled out the back door.

Harry was sitting in a chair waiting for Dumbledore to do something, and he didn't see Peter getting up behind him. Peter menacingly looked at Harry, but before he could do anything, Goyle screamed, "That's it! Get him, Peter!".

Harry spun around and aimed his wand at Peter. Peter turned back into a rat and tried to run out the open window. Harry grabbed him. Peter turned back into a man and then grabbed Harry's wand. "Hey, you! That was a sneaky move!" said Harry, kneeing Peter in the groin. Harry grabbed back his wand. Peter turned back into a rat and quickly scampered under Harry's bed. "Lumos!" said Harry, and he ducked under the bed to search for Wormtail.

Wormtail was hiding behind a very old pair of sneakers. Harry reached around under the bed, and Peter sprang out and bit his finger. "Ouch!" said Harry, and he then whacked his head on the bed. Wormtail took this fine opportunity to scamper out the window.

Wormtail was running through the night when a foot came down in front of him. "Not so fast." said Snape. Wormtail looked up at him, puzzled. "It's lucky for me that I was out here whizzing in the vegetable garden when you came running along!" said Snape. He grabbed Wormtail.

Hours later, Dumbledore arrived, flanked by McGonigall and Moody.

Dumbledore broke the door down with his foot and ran through the house.

"HARRY! HARRY!" said Dumbledore. "Up here!" called Harry. Dumbledore and the others ran up the stairs. "I've got them tied together there, but I don't know what to do with them." said Harry. "I shall take care of the situation. Very good work, Harry. But where is Pettegrew?" said Dumbledore. Harry shook his head. "He escaped." said Harry. "Well, he'll probably return to Lord Voldemort and continue to have Evil Flakes fed to him." said Dumbledore.

"I smell grease." said Moody. "Oh, well, I guess my room could be a little cleaner." said Harry. "It's from outside the window." said Moody. He looked outside the window and saw Snape sitting on the ground. "It's that horrible git you've got workin' for you." said Moody. "Oh, it must be Professor Snape." said Dumbledore.

Crabbe and Goyle laughed. "He doesn't know Snape is a Death Eater!" whispered Goyle. "Yheah." whispered Crabbe. McGonigall shook her head at them. "SNAPE! What are you doing down there?" asked Dumbledore.

"Waiting for you to arrive! Er, are Crabbe and Goyle still up there?" said Snape. "Yes. I will talk to you in a few minutes." said Dumbledore. "McGonigall, Moody, please take Crabbe and Goyle with you. I'll stay here for a bit longer." said Dumbledore. McGonigall and Moody left.

Snape came walking around the front of the house. "Oh, hello, Snape." said Crabbe. "Yheah, hi--err! I mean, uh! I mean, uh...you, you're against us!" said Crabbe, to Snape. "Hi, non-Death Eater fellow." said Goyle. "I guess you two couldn't fulfill such a simple task as you set out to do, eh!" said Snape. "If you hadn't gotten all headached, we could have...err, I mean, we don't know you, so why are we talking to you." said Crabbe.

McGonigall and Moody took them away. Snape went inside. Dumbledore walked down the stairs with Harry.

"I knew those incompetents would get foiled by Potter, and that Potter would call you. I wanted to talk to you about Wormtail." said Snape.

"Yes, why didn't you ever tell me he was a zombie of Voldemort?" said Dumbledore.

"I never knew, sir. I knew they fed him Evil Flakes, but I just thought they were morons. I didn't know the truth untill tonight, when we found Lucius Malfoy laying on the ground and Voldemort said 'Now who will give Pettegrew his flakes!'. I asked why it was so important, and Voldemort hit me on the head and said 'Because the flakes are the key to making him be evil!'. I asked why it was so important that Pettigrew be evil. Voldemort said it was because Peter is James' unidentical twin brother who was seperated at birth, and neither of them ever knew. This makes Peter a powerful force to have on either the side of good or evil. Then he sent me, Crabbe and Goyle here to get Pettegrew." said Snape.


	2. The rest of it

"Peter's my dad's unidentical twin?" cried Harry. Snape rolled his eyes. "Yes, jackass", said Snape. "My! How does that make him powerful?" asked Dumbledore. "Cus he's related to Harry, and blood, and when James died it made Pettigrew stronger, and all of that stuff. Look does anybody really understand these plots?" said Snape. Dumbledore nodded and turned to Harry. "Are you ok, Harry?" said Dumbledore. "I guess I'll be ok. I just wish Pettigrew weren't in the hands of Voldemort again." said Harry. "Yes." said Dumbledore, shaking his head sadly.

"Oh, you want Pettigrew." said Snape, pulling the rat out of his pocket. "Oh, goodness! There he is! Well, I will take him back to the castle untill the cornflakes wear off." said Dumbledore. "Can I go to live with him? He's my uncle!" said Harry.

"We shall see, Harry." said Dumbledore. He and Snape left with Pettigrew.

"I'd better be getting back to the Death Eaters." said Snape, and he left. Dumbledore headed home.

"Snape! Where the hell were you! You were gone half the night!" screeched Voldemort in his high pitched voice. "Crabbe and Goyle got busted. Dumbledore came in and nabbed them. I managed to escape, but er, then I fell into an open manhole." said Snape.

"Crabbe and Goyle are gone? Oh, for freak's sake! Now I'm out two men! You have to all start to recruit more Death Eaters!" said Voldemort.

"You should have sent more capable people to do the job." said Lucius Malfoy, glaring at Snape. "Like you? You couldn't even feed a rat properly, you imbecile, you let yourself get hit on the head by a huge chunk of wood." said Voldemort.

Voldemort shook his head. "You're all failures! Why don't I have more capable Death Eaters!" said Voldemort. Snape and Lucius looked down.

The next night...

Peter Pettigrew was coming out of his evil mode and turning back to normal. He was locked up at Hogwarts. Dumbledore walked over to him and turned him back into a human.

"Oops, I suppose I should have taken him out of that little cage, first." said Dumbledore.

After a moment when Peter realized what was happened, he looked into Dumbledore's eyes. "Mr. Dumbledore, how can I ever repay you!" said Peter. "Help us to stop Voldemort." said Dumbledore. "How?" said Peter. "Peter, I've figured it all out. You're to become a spy! I'm going to work this out with Snape. Er, he's a spy, too, you see." said Dumbledore. "Do you have any other spies in the Death Eaters?" asked Peter. "A couple, but you can really never have too many spies, you know." said Dumbledore. Later, Snape came by and Dumbledore told him the plan.

Snape and the human Peter walked back to the Death Eaters, who were continuing the same meeting. Voldemort had become obsessed with long meetings.

"Wormtail! Snape, where did you find him?" said Voldemort. "I think he must have gotten hit on the head or something, because he was just sitting outside a bakery eating some crumbs. I picked him up and gave him some Evil Flakes, and now he's back to normal." said Snape.

"Very good. Wormtail, where do your loyalties lie?" asked Voldemort.

"With you, Master!" said Peter, trying to hide his disgust.

"Excellent! Now both of you sit down! We have important things to discuss!" said Voldemort.

Lucius Malfoy was seething. "Had I known we were supposed to look for Pettigrew, Master, I would have been searching through every inch of grass, through every crack and crevice in every wall..." said Malfoy. "Silence, Malfoy. Jealousy gets on my nerves. Snape has beaten you, just get over it." said Voldemort. Malfoy fumed ever harder. "Someday I'm gonna get him, I'm gonna bop him on the head", grumbled Malfoy. "Malfoy, what did you say? Shut up before I take your cane away", said Voldemort. Malfoy's lip quivered.

"Now, about the musical we're putting on next week, I had given your part to Mergerson, Wormtail, but now that you're back, you can once again play the chimney sweep." said Voldemort. "Thank you." said Peter, grinning through the burning hatred.

"Now, who thinks we should cut down on the number of songs we do?" said Voldemort.

Some guy raised his hand. Voldemort killed him. "Who else?" said Voldemort.

Harry realized that the Dursleys hadn't been home in days, and that they were running low on food. Harry searched the house for money. Just then, the door swung open. Uncle Vernon was holding a shotgun.

"Where are they! Where are the flipping witch varments!" cried Vernon. Harry walked out.

"AAAAAAAHHH!" screamed Vernon, and he dropped the shotgun and turned around and ran out the door. A moment later, Vernon peeped back in. "Are they in there!" Vernon asked.

"No, they left." said Harry.

"Are you lying to me, you little &$#!" said Vernon. "NO, you bafoon, they're gone!" snapped Harry. "Come on, Petunia, Dudley!" called Vernon. They all re-entered the house.

"You are out of most of your food, the only thing left is some applesauce and water crackers." said Harry. "That's more than you deserve!" snapped Vernon. He turned to his wife and son, happily. "Ha, how about that zinger!" said Vernon, and he high fived Dudley and Petunia.

That night, Harry wrote to Dumbledore and asked if he could live with Wormtail.

"Dear Harry, I think that you've had it bad for long enough, and I think that even though Wormtail is a spy for me and with Voldemort and the others always popping up around him it could be dangerous, we can work something out", said Dumbledore. Harry was over joyed. He lifted the letter up above his face, then kissed it. Finally, somebody was cutting him some slack!

The next day Harry arrived at Wormtails, not even telling the Dursley's he was leaving but simply flipping them off as he went. He dropped his suitcases and opened his arms. "Uncle Peter!" he said. "Harry!" said Peter. Peter and Harry hugged, then Peter ruffled Harry's hair. "Nice digs", Harry said.

As Harry sat down for dinner with Peter that night, he felt happy and content. Finally his life was starting to go right and at least he had freed somebody from Voldemort. Peter had just set down a bunch of dishes from the kitchen, all covered in aluminum foil. food. "Well, Harry, I hope you like Maceroni and Cheese, cheese and spinich pie, cheese fondue and cheesy potatoes, with cheesecake for dessert! All of the effects of being a rat haven't quite worn off yet, it seems", said Peter. "Oh, Uncle Peter... but I'm lactose intolerant!" said Harry. Peter looked worried.

"Just kidding! I do have high cholestoral, but what the hell," said Harry. They both laughed and ate their dinner, knowing that life would be a bit better from here on out.

The end.


End file.
